I came across the best little gem the other day:
Now you may be wondering if I’m trying broadcast that I’m an awesome mother, or a bad friend??
Well it depends who you ask?!
Maybe I’m both. Or neither.
What it reminded me of was a conversation I had with one of my best friends the other day.
I met this amazing girl shortly after moving to Toronto, on my first day of work at the hospital that had just hired me. Not knowing a soul in the city, and both being newbie Speech Pathologists, we connected over lunches discussing therapist woes and slowly developed a solid friendship. We were friends, but led very different lives: her being single, then planning a wedding and me being childless and then having two children. Our lives weren’t on the same path, but we managed to bond regardless – mainly in the work environment however.
Thankfully we built this foundation because our lives suddenly became one when we both had our marriages fall apart within one week of each other. Nothing like a divorce to bond you! We became joined at the hip: talking several times a day, spending every moment I didn’t have my kids with her, spending many moments with my kids and her, celebrating holidays, or going on vacations together. She even would take my boys shopping to buy me Christmas and birthday gifts, or pick them up from daycare when I got sick. We were completely there for each other all the time. I am forever grateful to her and look back on this time as a unique experience to share my life with girlfriends so intimately (I was blessed with a couple more angels during that time too).
We luckily met two amazing men the same year, married within months of each other, and both tried to have a baby. Ironically, we both went through IVF treatments at the same time, however hers resulted in a beautiful baby boy (after a very long and painful road), mine did not.
And so our paths went their separate direction again. Hers facing pregnancy woes and bliss, giving birth, and first year chaos and celebratory milestones. Mine with growing children and stepchildren and finding peace with no more children.
Over the past two years our phone calls have been more limited, the texts more sporadic, the emails more occasional, and the meetings once in a blue moon.
Was I the bad friend – or was she?
When we did make time to catch up, we would CATCH up and the hours would slip by, we’d be back to old times and we would promise to not let the time go by so quickly.
As much as I miss her, and love her and want to spend more time with her, I am ok with how things have gone and how things are going.
We talked about this over Thai food at our favorite Thai restaurant last week:
There is a season for everything in life. Right now, our season is to be mothers.
It doesn’t mean I don’t love my friends (and I hope none are insulted). I truly adore them, have fun with them, think of them often, and wish to spend time with them and talk more. And I could do with being a bit more vigilant in keeping contact, and being more thoughtful- if nothing else than by leaving a message or sending a text (like I talked about here) or scheduling in a certain time to connect (which I’ve started to do more of so maybe I will get better).
What it does mean is it is my season to be a mother, deep in the trenches, NOW.
There are few years where we have our kiddies glued to us, desperately needing us. There are few years where they will absorb what we teach, need specific guidance and help. There are few years where they even want to be with us. I don’t want to miss a thing! I already feel as if I miss chunks of time while they are in school and I am working. Then throw in the time they spend at their other parents – I do have limited time (and I often use this time to dedicate to my husband, to spend time as a couple, because that is the best thing I can do for my growing family. Oh yeah, and he’s an amazing guy and I love spending time with him too:)
My girlfriend, with her growing baby, is struggling with the balancing act of baby, husband, other family, work and friends. I reminded her that this is her season to be focused on her immediate family. Her baby will be up and grown in a flash, she needs to spend her time aligned with her priorities. Maybe she can improve a bit in the friendship area ( hey, if I’m trying, she needs to be too!), but she needs to be at peace that seasons do change and she needs to enjoy the one she is in.
So when I saw this little cartoon this week, I had to laugh!
Maybe I will lose friends over being a bad friend because I put too much emphasis on being a mother and a wife. As sad as that makes me, I know that I need to be in the exact spot I am in right now. And it is only for a short season.
I hope that my closest friends always know they are in my heart, thoughts and prayers forever. I hope they know when they don’t hear from me it’s not them or something they have done, it just happens to be a particularly busy week.
I’m busy being an awesome Mom (or so I’d like to think)!